2020
If my memory serves me correctly the Buddhist retreat centre first became known to me via one of the published quarterly journals/newsletters (issue 17 - early summer 1993), which advertised for attendees to take part in 8 separate mindful work weeks (Saturday 4pm to Saturday 2pm) - working on an outside building that was being converted into a Shrine Hall with an integral library / relaxation room...
This appealed to me, as the land had once been a farm with many acres of space, and i had been brought up on a series of dairy farms that my dad had been employed to, work on / manage, during my earlier childhood years - it also appealed to me as a sort of welcoming holiday/break from my normal day to day existence...
Rather accommodatingly, said quarterly journal/newsletter also stated the cost for such separate weeks attendances - with a reduction for the non-waged...
So, if i remember correctly, i simply filled in an accompanying application form and posted it to the requisite address with an accompanying cheque for what i had considered to be the appropriate amount of money - an application that was later accepted via a confirmatory letter, i guess...
Anyway, in the event i was given a lift to such a retreat centre in the summer of 1993 by a female Buddhist, along with what i later realised was the assigned teacher (i'll simply refer to him as 'G') for the week...
Shortly after arriving there the attendees were invited to venture outside of the earlier/previously converted farmhouse for a walk within the accompanying land...
It was during such a walk that i noticed a small hut situated upon a hill on the edge of an area of pine trees - upon inspection i noticed that it had a small single bed and a personal cabinet within it...
Staying within it (for a few days/nights at least) appealed to me, so i asked 'G' if i would be able to do so, upon my return from such an introductory walk - resulting in me being instantly assigned to it (unknowingly at the time) for the duration of the week...
It was as we were within the eating area of such a converted farmhouse that my attention was drawn to a piece of paper pinned to a notice board, which introduced me to dammapada 239 - 'G', who was stood next to me, noticed my interest, resulting in a short and pleasant verbal exchange/interaction taking place between the two of us...
Sometime after the early evening group meal 'G' announced that some Buddhist study would take place - as a mere student of Buddhist meditation i assumed that such a study period was solely for the benefit of the Buddhist attendees, and so before so-doing, i politely announced my intention to retire to my assigned hut (a procedure that i repeated each evening, for the duration of the week btw)...
If my memory serves me correctly it was during one of the following day meal periods that i noticed a rather large slab of cheese placed on a wooden platter, on the middle of the dining table - it was Double Gloucester, (my mostest favouritest cheese, at that time), if my memory serves me correctly...
Anyway, i gratefully cut a portion off such a slab of cheese before eating it - by body seemed to find it very appetising, and so i eagerly helped myself to another portion immediately afterwards...
...An act, much to my surprise/confusion, that seemed to attract the silent disapproval of many of the other attendees, including the rather intently observing 'G' - 'what's the big deal???', thought i, 'it's only a slab of cheese after all, and my body seems to be very much in need of it'...
Anyway, sometime later when there were less people situated within said meal area/room, and after 'G' had returned from a personal meditation practise, he picked up said platter of cheese and invited me to partake of some more - causing me to await feedback from my body, before telling him affably that no more was required...
It was at this time that i realised/presumed that 'G' had probably/seemingly 'inwardly Consulted' during his personal meditation and had simply been Informed(???) that my body was very much in need of such sustenance - this, for me, being the first indication of what a very nice and competent teacher 'G' was, as he had seemingly most readily corrected his earlier seemingly unwarranted judgemental/erroneous silent attitude/behaviour towards me...
I very much enjoyed such mindful work sessions on the continuation of the building of such a Shrine Hall - even though i sensed an ongoing seeming disapproval of my presence within such a group of attendees...
Such sensed disapproval resulted in what i later termed to be my 'wavering Tuesday' - this constituted a period of time i spent trying to meditate within my assigned hut during part of the afternoon, whereby i contemplated an early return home...
However, i realised two things - firstly that such a contemplated exit would necessitate a train journey home (and the additional monetary outlay that this would necessitate), and secondly i realised that it may result in me leaving the local Buddhist meditation Centre also...
'How can i redress such a situation???', thought i...
It was then that the idea of picturing each attendee, within my my mind, with a smiling friendly face came to me - something that i then did twice in succession...
Upon my return to the converted farmhouse, and very much to my welcoming surprise, the previously unwelcoming atmosphere had changed - such perceived animosity had seemingly simply disappeared, and harmony welcomingly rang...
Later i was invited to a personal reporting session with 'G', where i shared my earlier deliberations and the remedial efforts i had put into practise - only to be gently told (much to my surprise/confusion) that such actions weren't particularly welcomed...
...Causing me to never do such a thing ever again btw...
Anyway, such a week continued much for the better - from my perspective at least...
It was sometime later that i realised that 'G' must have been wondering why i chose to quietly retire to my assigned hut early each evening, rather than stay to attend the evening Buddhist study sessions - for after lunch one day he started to quietly read from an unknown Buddhist book, just outside of said converted farmhouse, to a small group of Buddhist attendees...
...An action that caused me to become interested/inquisitive, as it very much seemed like a very interesting story being narrated in a very welcoming manner - 'what an extremely nice person 'G' seems, to garner my interest in such a gentle way', thought i...
During one evening meal a very nice female based in London was telling us all that she cooked beef stroganoff for her husband's work colleagues whenever he invited them to their home - resulting in her being invited to cook some for us all on the following day...
I noticed that her confidence and naturally outgoing manner had seemingly been replaced by a very nervous disposition - causing me to offer her some assistance by slicing up some vegetables for her...
...As i very much felt for such a show of discomfiture (compassion in action perhaps???) - it was only later that i suspected that 'G' had perhaps detected a possible hindrance (showing off/exaggerating???) within her personality - and so decided to perhaps put her to the test...
From my perspective her deflated confidence was a personal loss, as i very much enjoyed listening to such open personal sharings with us all - for she very much seemed like a genuinely very nice person...
During such a week's attendance, i had noticed some bird droppings on the wooden floor in the centre of my assigned hut directly beneath the apex of the rafters - causing me to realise that a bird of some sorts must have been unknowingly roosting there during each(???) night...
So, with my interest piqued, i took a torch to bed with me, and upon awakening in the middle of the night, shone it upwards, only to see a sleeping wren of some type with a greenish yellow breast...
'What a very trusting creature', thought i, as i observed it, (completely undisturbed by the shining of such light upon its being btw), as it remained seemingly fast asleep during the duration of such shown attention by myself - causing me to leave it completely undisturbed for the rest of the week...
During my introductory (and only???) personal reporting session with 'G' i remember enquiring as to whether it would be okay to continue with my morning tai chi qi gong and yoga exercises whilst there, to which i genially received affirmation - in the event i decided put aside the yoga exercises until i returned home, and simply continued with my tai chi exercises outside of my assigned hut on top of the hill...
However, as i was partaking of such daily exercise, there always seemed to be other meditators walking up the path towards me - causing me to feel somewhat self-conscious...
So i then decided to do them at the other end of such a wooded area, near a seemingly rarely used path - only to find someone walking towards me once again...
...Causing me to find a spot within the middle of such a wooded area, in order that i could continue doing such exercises undisturbed instead - something that i continued with until the end of the week's visit/attendance, if my memory serves me correctly...
I remember waking within such an assigned hut rather early one morning, feeling particularly hungry, and so walked down to the converted farmhouse where all house-assigned meditators (including 'G') were sleeping - and very quietly made myself a sandwich before returning to my hut...
...Only to later realise, much to my surprise, that such a visit to the kitchen had been noted - and was seemingly being frowned upon for some unknown reason...
I think it was perhaps a day later during a lunch-time meal that 'G' asked one of the other meditators, who was staying in another of the outside huts, in a most obvious way/manner, what he wore whilst sleeping - only to realise, much to my surprise, that he was sleeping in many layers of clothing (including a full tracksuit)...
...Causing me to, perhaps rather unkindly, see him as being a bit of a whimp - as i was sleeping fairly comfortably in only a t-shirt and underpants...
So, seemingly, it was completely ok for 'G' to seemingly rather intrusively pay me at least one presumed astral visit during the night, as my body lay sleeping - but in no way was it ok for me to spontaneously picture each attendee with a smiling face in order to make my stay more bearable???...
Anyway, lest i forget, it was during such a week's mindful working attendance that a pair of golden eagles appeared in flight above said retreat centre - causing the regular(???) buzzards, much to my surprise, to completely disappear...
What a wonderful sight it was for me to witness - as i had never seen either buzzards or golden eagles flying within such freedom before...
I actually very much enjoyed such mindful working sessions, interspersed by occasional mindfulness maintaining group meditations - and being very much more physically fit than the other, rather academically minded, attendees made such work sessions physically less demanding and more enjoyable for me...
Then there was the day when the teacher and a small group of the attendees atypically ventured off in a car somewhere (to my knowledge, it was the only occasion that this happened btw)...
...Leaving me, seemingly in charge, to continue working on an assigned ground level task with a group of other attendees...
I remember measuring laterally and then asking the lady who had driven both myself and 'G' to such a retreat centre to verify/check that i had measured it correctly, before attaching/securing a vertical(???) length of wood to the wall...
...Only to later find (after 'G' and the others had returned), with much confusion, that such a measurement had somehow inexplicably changed - causing the youngish architect attendee to rather unfairly look upon me with a certain disdainful/accusatory demeanor...
I could understand why he would not be too happy, as such an unintended change to his specifications could perhaps result in the back end of the rear roof angle being changed also - but to seemingly so readily and silently put the blame on me when i had got one of the other attendees to check such measurements before continuing with such assigned work, to me was rather unfair...
However, when he had later calmed down and was merely showing signs of being depressed, i went over to him as he was seated on the ground perusing the building plans and gently exchanged a few comforting words with him in as nice and friendly way as i could, before leaving him to perhaps see that such a mistake was in no way whatsoever a deliberate act - the truth of the matter was that i found him to be a very nice person, who was perhaps unknowingly and rather skilfully dealing with the responsibilities and stress of such duties...
...Until such an unintended and rather strange mistake had caused such previously undetected stress to arise openly for all to see/observe...
In the event such a young architect must have made some compensatory changes to the plans - as such building work continued without any 'corrective' measured being seemingly necessary...
I had undertaken some dedicated mindful walking practices at various times/occasions during the week...
...Simply walking slowly up and down a narrow strip of concrete, situated on a lawned(???) area close to the converted farmhouse - with my mind focused on the various parts of my feet as they successively made contact with the ground...
It was a practise that i found to be interesting, as i had never indulged myself in such a practice before...
Anyway, whilst within my assigned hut (meditating???) one day i found myself imagining wearing a pair of rather long spiked shoes of a rather unusual and colourful design - yellow, green and red if i remember correctly...
...With long extended toes that looped back upon themselves - with the ends attached to the top of each shoe...
So as i was mindfully walking down the inclined path leading back towards said converted farmhouse on the Thursday(???) afternoon, i imagined myself wearing them, with the long spikes sinking in and out of the ground as i walked - i found it to be an interesting grounding experience...
Unusual perhaps - but very interesting never-the-less...
So, on to my rather interesting meditational experience, which occurred on Thursday when i had decided to indulge myself in a personal meditation, before the evening meal was served...
I noticed that the stroganoff making London lady was doing likewise, as i entered the small meditational shrine room, situated adjacent to the meal eating room...
By that time i felt very much in harmony with both the retreat centre environment and the other attendees - during my much earlier in the week introductory personal reporting session, i had, interestingly enough, told 'G' that it would probably/possibly take me until Thursday to feel properly settled into such a new experience...
Anyway, part way through my individual meditation practice i saw through my inner vision an etheric(???)/crystaline(???) round, bluish white cylindrical tube come down from above to ground level - followed by another one of the same colour, that had a number of straight edges forming a circlular tube, rather than simply being circular...
I had never had such a meditational experience like it - either before or afterwards...
It was something that i simply calmly noted as i continued with such a meditation practice - something that occurred soon after the London lady had exited said shrine room upon completion of her own meditational practice, if my memory served me correctly...
Anyway, soon afterwards i realised(???) that the evening meal was ready to be served, and so stood up and joined the other already seated attendees...
I then noticed that i seemed to be radiating some sort of energy that seemed to, rather uncharacteristically, be effecting the other seated attendees...
...Causing some to become light-hearted and slightly/increasingly giggly - which in turn caused me to 'disconnect' with such releasing energies, as if switching off a light if you will...
It was then that 'G', who was sat opposite me, said within a mind to mind, telepathic exchange with me, 'that really is quite impressive' (from my own personal experiential perspective, obviously) - seemingly acknowledging that, in his opinion at least perhaps, i had been instantly transformed from a previous status of unwelcomed outsider, to one of 'star pupil'; seemingly in the blink of an eye...
...A time that/when i began/started to feel rather cold - and a time when the teacher's assistant ('R') asked if i would like a glass off water...
...An offer that i gratefully accepted - asking if i could have a warm, rather than my usual cold, one...
I found R to be a rather interesting person that i felt naturally drawn to btw - i first noticed her upon my arrival, when i found my attention drawn to her...
It was as if i had known her sometime before - even though i most obviously hadn't knowingly met her before such a first visit to said retreat centre...
A similar thing happened as i was coming off a glass-backed squash court some years earlier - whereby my eyes met another male squash player who was due to play on the same court next - i had never seen him before in my life, but it was as if i already knew him (we later became very good squash playing friends btw)...
I suspect that in both instances i had probably interacted with each of them within another incarnation perhaps???...
Anyway, back on point...
The next morning, after breakfast, 'G' told us that some Buddha relics had been placed under the concrete base of the main Shrine Hall, and that we would be undertaking a blessing of the Shrine Hall during a group meditation within it - something that i felt a certain 'wrongness' about, as i thought it was somehow cheating/opportunistic, and something that should constitute a special occasion within the attendance of many such Buddhists, rather than with members of our small group only...
I in no way wished to participate in such a seemingly opportunistic meditational blessing, but simply felt that i had no choice in the matter - if i was able to transport myself back in time, i would, instead, simply have walked silently to my assigned hilltop hut and meditated privately there instead...
Anyway, sure enough such energies arose from me once again - but seemingly much more powerfully this time...
...And presumably, as i was feeling somewhat agitated, such releasing energies were of a somewhat unbalanced nature - like a gently(??? hmmm, possibly not the best way of describing them - but hey, all was pretty cool after such energies had naturally faded away/dispersed)/moderately swirling wind perhaps???...
Immediately afterwards i went to my assigned hut, with the confused thoughts of 'who am i, what am i, why am i here???', passing through my troubled/confused mind...
Anyway, later on, whilst working on the ever developing Shrine Hall, a small number of us had reason to enter the nearby store room, where i noticed 'G' was standing, in a somewhat preoccupied manner - only for him to seemingly become momentarily physically unstable when i approached close to him; a couple of strange days indeed (most peculiar momma)...
So anyway, the next day was our departing Saturday - the day that constituted the end of such a mindful working week...
It was a day when 'G' and all the attendees, under G's instruction, participated in a group metta practice whereby we sent loving kindness energies outwards - firstly around the immediately area, and then further and further outwards to encompass the neighbouring areas...
Rightly or wrongly, i saw it as as a good housekeeping exercise on an energetic level - leaving the area encompassed in the same (or maybe better, who knows) general energetic condition as we had found it in upon the commencement of our week's visit...
The question i would now ask however, is what was the difference between my personal metta practice on my wavering Tuesday and this group one conducted by G at the end of the week??? - the answer, from my own particular perspective being 'none at all', in essence at the very least...
Anyway, shortly before we were about to pack our bags 'G's assistant, 'R', came into the meal room and announced to us all that this would be the last opportunity for any of us to report to 'G' before leaving - whilst looking directly at me with a distinct 'surely you will want to discuss these energetic experiences with 'G' before leaving won't you???', on her seemingly uncomprehending face...
An offer that i declined by the way - as from my point of view there was really simply nothing to discuss, as the whole thing had been so clearly self-evident...
So what did i think of such a sunny week's attendance/participation, you may ask - the answer being that i viewed it as being an interesting experience within what i had considered to be a very nice group of attendees (including the seemingly extremely nice and very competent teacher indeed btw)...
...A teacher that i personally think would have made an absolutely ideal teacher of teachers for the north west of England - a seemingly very warm-natured teacher whom i had grown to like and respect greatly during such a personal introductory week at such a retreat centre...
Such a visit seemed to strengthen my mentality and calm my being - it was one that left me eager to return, in order to partake of the otherwise gentle and calming/settling vibes that built up gradually over the week, due to so many repeated daily, group and personal, meditational practises...
I really enjoyed the physical work involved in participating in the further developing/building of such an external Shrine Hall - especially so, perhaps, because my body was in such good physical shape anyway, and so, perhaps unlike others, i experienced no physical hardships/discomfiture whatsoever...
Looking back with today's eyes, i could possibly see things from a rather different perspective - one where there may have been an unknown ongoing attempt to unsettle me perhaps???...
Whether such a perspective in any way reflects a, to me, hidden reality or not is completely unknown to me at this present moment in time - however the thoughts/possibility that i could perhaps have been viewed as being a 'Mister Magoo' type of character by others, does cause me to now chuckle somewhat...
I should mention that upon my return home i found a letter waiting for me - a letter that rather formerly required me to pay an apparent shortfall in fees for such a week's attendance at such a retreat centre...
Apparently i had paid the amount that was only applicable to fee-paying members of another part of such a Buddhist institution...
In the event, i did so pay such a shortfall - as well as electing to pay the small amount of money that was required to join such another part of such a Buddhist institution...
...For in so doing i could then take advantage of the reduced fees for further visits to such a retreat centre - so in this respect such an additional monetary outlay more than paid for itself...
'But what about the spirit of generosity and good will that was supposed to happily/welcomingly permeate through the very beings of such Buddhists???', the reader may quite reasonably ask...
'Hmmmm - possibly a rather interesting question indeed', one may rather readily suggest...
...The missing fruits that such meditation practices are supposed to develop, perchance???...
So, maybe 'G' and at least some of the other attendees 'knew' of such a shortfall during such an attendance by myself, and unfairly chose to view me as being some sort of chancer perhaps??? - or perhaps not of course...
Whatever the truth of the matter, fixed views are in fact regarded as a hindrance within Buddhism incidentally/interestingly...
What has to be remembered/considered though is that many of the founding members, especially, will have given/invested a rather lot of money, both individually and collectively, in order to purchase and transform such a previous farm into such a lovely Buddhist retreat centre for us all to enjoy - so maybe such obviously large monetary investments/donations were not given with a completely gladsome heart (spirit of generosity) and then let go of...
...And that this is why such apparent ill-will sometimes seemingly arose so readily perhaps??? - seemingly upon the odd occasion at least...
And what did i most readily learn from such a week's attendance???...
Well, most clearly/certainly, that 'internal voices' (telepathy) are most certainly not the product/result of an unwell mind (mental illness), or mere fantasy...
That, within my personal experience, is most definitely/undeniably the case for sure - and anyone who chooses to deny such a reality is either completely ignorant of such mental exchanges, or is simply choosing not to be truthful regarding such a proven/experiential reality...
So why would certain individuals choose to deny the existence of mind-to-mind communication (telepathy)???, one could perhaps most readily ask/enquire...
Well, i guess from one perspective in particular, the most obvious answer could be for reasons of control - especially so within the context of a 'service to self' environment, where 'power' over others is deemed to be an important commodity/factor perhaps...
Power and control can be seen to have existed throughout recorded history, after all...
We only need to look back to the days when ordinary 'gifted' individuals were persecuted, made examples of, and disposed of in a ceremonial nature/way perhaps (the use of the 'ducking stool' for example - whereby if you survived such repeated ordeals you were pronounced guilty, and if you didn't survive such repeated ordeals you were 'shown' to be guilty, within a seemingly obvious no-win situation)...
...Where individuals within positions of power and influence perhaps waited until certain 'gifted' individuals used such 'gifts' in an unskillful way/manner, for their own benefit (service to self) - before 'purging' such ordinary folk/citizens, perhaps en-mass, from the societies in which they lived perhaps...
...Leaving those in positions of 'service to selves' influence/power to rule the roost unchallenged perhaps - whilst simultaneously conditioning the masses into believing that such 'gifts' were universally 'of the devil' perchance???...
Nowadays, of course, if such power-based individuals wished to exert their powers in such a way, they could possibly perhaps wait for such naturally 'gifted' individuals to rather ignorantly(???) discuss such matters with their perhaps Spiritually ignorant local GP, in a rather distressed/confused way, for example??? - only to be advised by such a GP (quite understandably perhaps) to see a psychiatrist perhaps???...
...Resulting in them possibly being prescribed certain medications to 'dampen' the continued emergence of such perhaps natural 'gifts'??? - or in certain cases, resulting in them becoming inpatients (impatience??? - Spiritual ignorance perhaps???) and having to take some perhaps very powerful 'psychotropic'(???) medications (possibly for a very prolonged period of time???) perhaps???...
So, am i suggesting that all mental-health patients should perhaps be weaned off such medications and be left to develop such gifts within the company of other much more 'developed' individuals???...
No i am not...
...For i suspect that some may have used such 'gifts' in a very much, service to self / detrimental, way within a previous life/incarnation, and are perhaps paying the price for such previous life misuses/transgressions by being possibly plagued by Those whom they caused harm to during such previous life mis-usages perhaps...
...Karmically attached unskillfully rendered discarnate souls that may see how vulnerable such individuals now are to perhaps being plagued by suggestions of an unskillful nature perhaps???...
Of course nowadays individuals minds can be very much busied by the constant use of various communicative technologies such as mobile phones, televisions, computers, games machines and music players for examples - thus potentially rendering any naturally emerging/developing 'gifts' to be perhaps 'drowned out'/quietened, in a modern and much more subtle 'ducking stool' sort of way perhaps???...
And talking of natural 'gifts', lest we forget, what about the Way of the native American Indians, for example???...
...Whom have/had their sweat-lodge(???) traditions??? - and their revering(???)/Communicating(???) of/with their Ancestors traditions???...
And of their watching / listening to signs within nature / the other 'lower' Earthly kingdoms, and of their within harmony ways of life - does this not also at least indicate that such possible Communications are in fact a rather natural state (latent or otherwise) within our beings???...
So, within conclusion, how would/could an individual know for certain whether they have such natural 'gifts' of their own - emerging or otherwise???, one may quite reasonably ask...
And how can such individuals be sure that their minds are not simply playing tricks on them (if indeed a mind is actually capable of doing such a thing of course), or that they are not perhaps simply deluded individuals, one may also quite reasonably ask/enquire...
Well, simply from my own personal experiences through life, i would say that if, for example, you suddenly find yourself turning your head to find that you are looking directly into the eyes of some individual who is fairly intently(???) looking directly back at you, in a perhaps fairly intense(???)/focused way, then you may perhaps reasonably assume/deduce that you have simply, perhaps unknowingly, picked up / received their unknown concentrated thoughts, specifically with regard to yourself...
Such instances have happened to me on a number of occasions throughout my life - causing me initially to perhaps think that such eye to eye contact was simply a rather strange coincidence - only to, perhaps much later in life, understand exactly what very much seems to have been taking place...
(https://www.ourquantumparticulates.org/videos/first-greenstreete-visit)