2020
Let me start by saying that the following Greenstreete retreat centre attendance remembrances took place between 1993 and 1996 (24 to 27 years ago), so although such actual remembrances are, to the best of my knowledge, correct, the chronology of remembered events may perhaps not be...
For example, visits 2 and 'other visit remembrances' may possibly constitute the same week's visit, however as i have two separate remembrances of returning home as a passenger in someone elses car, i have chosen to record them here as two separate retreat centre visits...
What i can say, with absolute certainty (as i still have the published newsletters/journals) is that planning approval to convert the barn into a Shrine Hall was received on 21 May 1992, (resulting in the dismantling of the barn starting on 17 October 1992) - and that the official opening of the completed Shrine Hall took place in the summer of 1996...
2nd Visit...
Because, in the end, i had very much enjoyed my initial week's visit to the countryside Buddhist retreat centre (especially the daily mindful working sessions), i was quite eager to return once again - thusly did i find myself booking and attending another weekly visit shortly after my first attendance...
On this occasion, if my memory serves me correctly, i decided to go by train, as i rather liked the idea of taking a rare train journey - a train journey that would drop me off within fairly easy walking distance of such a retreat centre...
It was during such a visit that i noticed a female teacher ('V'), whom i had never knowingly seen before such a visit, sat rather serenely, in the sunshine, on a bench situated on a lawn to the side of the converted farmhouse - she was apparently taking reporting sessions from some of the other attendees...
What struck me about her was what i perceived to be the Spirituality shining out of her eyes, causing me to think what a wonderful teacher she must be - little did i know at the time that she was later to become my third Buddhist meditation teacher at the Manchester Buddhist meditation centre...
On one particular day during this week's attendance i was asked by a male teacher ('I') to work on a tenon joint at the end of a very large, long, and presumably rather expensive, oak roof/rafter beam...
It was during such an occasion that i sensed/reached a rather deep state of mindfulness, whereby i found myself to be residing completely(???) within the moment as i was very carefully chiselling away - it was a wonderful feeling, whereby i realised that the work was simply a vehicle for such a state to arise dahlings, and as such it simply didn't matter how long such a task took to complete...
At one point in the proceedings 'I' approached me as i was working, causing me to explain such an experiential state to him...
I remember saying, 'it's dammapada 239', as this seemed to be the best Buddhist way to describe it...
Such an explanation caused 'I' to go into the converted farmhouse for a short while, before he returned outside to give me what may best be described as a rather thunderous/intent prolonged stare of seeming rather intense disapproval (from my personal experiential perspective of course) - a state that i simply calmly noted with a certain wonderment, as i naturally maintained my rather calm and somewhat joyful(???) in-the-moment state of being...
...I actually think/deduced that he perhaps didn't readily know such a specifically numbered dammapada (even though i assume that it would still have been on the notice board within the eating/meal room???) - which was seemingly why he had gone into said converted farmhouse upon completion of our short discussion...
Why it had seemingly caused him such a problem i have absolutely no idea, as, to me it was simply the ideal way of describing such a state of being whilst performing such an assigned task - but hey i was left to complete such work without further interruption, so all was good, in my world at least...
Seemingly such a verbal interaction was still playing on 'I's' mind during our group early evening meal, for when i had said to the person who was serving us all our sweet course that she could put it onto my then empty dinner plate rather than, rather unnecessarily in my opinion, putting it onto a clean plate (it was all going into the same stomach after all), it caused him, (to the apparent muted and stunned surprise/shock of everyone else seated at the table), to rather surprisingly/unexpectedly exclaim with apparent open frustration/exasperation 'now he thinks he's a monk!!!' (or words to such effect) - i think it is fair to say that, for a short period of time at least, he completely lost any sense of mindfulness during such an unexpected verbal outburst...
Talk about a faux pas - it is a remembrance that has caused me to chuckle rather whole-heartedly upon many occasion since btw, as it was such atypical 'teacher' behaviour...
As a matter of interest such a male teacher (a very good chanter apparently) was the husband of the female teacher who was, at a later date, seemingly non-verbally chastised / put in her place by a visiting monk whom i had acted as overnight attendant to...
If my memory serves me correctly it was during such a visit that a group of teachers turned up on our last full day of attendance (a Friday) - a day earlier than the following week's attendees would have normally have done...
A day when i remember being seated at the communal dining table within the converted farmhouse, with 'G' (the teacher during my first week's attendance at such a retreat centre) sat to my immediate left, and 'PD' (the Cambridge teacher of teachers) sat to the immediate left of 'G'...
From my perspective at least, there was a non-verbal communication taking place between them both - a communication that was seemingly causing 'G' to become quite uncharacteristically excitable, as i clearly detected/experienced a high quality of rather rapid vibrations emanating from his body (aura???)...
I very much sensed that 'G' was trying to communicate something that 'PD' was perhaps too eager to dismiss???...
Anyway, later on as i was sat at the same table with 'S' (my first Buddhist meditation teacher) and some others, i was asked by 'S', in a somewhat upbeat???/expectant??? manner, whether i would like a drink of water before a rather packed group meditation practise commenced within the small shrine room (an offer that i accepted btw) - it was upon drinking such a glass of water that i, rightly or wrongly, sensed that the reason for the day-early attendance of such a group of, seemingly primarily, teachers, was in the anticipation of seeing me 'perform' for themselves during such a group meditation, as i did on two occasions during my first visit to such a retreat centre where 'G' was the assigned resident teacher for the week...
...A perceived expectation that didn't bear fruit btw - in fact i never did experience such energy releases ever again within the company of such Buddhists...
...Although i did experience a rather harmonious and sustained energy release during a 'Mind, Body & Spirit' event, held in Manchester (i went to about three of them if my memory serves me correctly), within a visit within an open fronted outside tent that i found myself entering, whereby the facilitator invited those seated to raise/send energies to a now unknown, but seemingly worthy, cause - i simply entered, meditated with the other attendees, and then quietly left without having uttered a word...
Anyway, back to the retreat centre, it was also the day when, after such a group meditation, the Cambridge based teacher of teachers ('PD') instructed me to quieten/shorten my breathing during meditation, as it was seemingly a cause of distraction to the other meditating attendees - a request that i felt obliged to follow, even though it caused me some confusion, as i had never been asked to do such a thing before during all my time meditating within the company of such lay Buddhists...
I now realise that such a request was completely wrong/inappropriate - for such an apparent distraction was clearly for the other meditators (especially teachers, one would most readily suggest) to accommodate, rather than for me to 'rectify'...
Meditation involves coming to terms with and finding peace within such perceived distractions - for clearly it is not for a dawn chorus to cease in order to accommodate an early morning meditator is it...
...It is for the early morning meditator to find peace within such a dawn chorus - 'distractions' that should in fact simply naturally disappear/recede from such a meditator's mind during meditation...
It was hardly my fault that i had developed a larger lung capacity (through running and squash for example) than the, in general, other, academically minded meditators, after all, was it - it simply constituted (during the longest of counting stage), as originally instructed, my longest natural breath after all...
Anyway, if my memory serves me correctly, i was offered and accepted a lift back home at the end of such a second attendance at said retreat centre...
Again, if my memory serves me correctly, i remember being sat on the right hand side of the back seat, with two male university students to my immediate left, one of whom asked me an unremembered question about teacher 'V' - i remember saying in reply that i was very much drawn to the Spirituality shining out of her eyes...
...A reply that they decided to rather incorrectly interpret, in a 'nod nod, wink wink' type of way, as meaning that i was romantically attracted to her (an Anais Nin moment for one in particular seemingly) - little knowing, i guess, that i was very comfortably residing within celibacy, and had been for a long period of time...
3rd Visit (long weekend)
On this extended(???) weekend visit i was given a lift to such a retreat centre by the person ('RT') whom i later acted as the assistant/disciplinarian for - he was a self-employed general artisan whom primarily worked on making repairs/upgrades to domestic properties if my memory serves me correctly...
He was also the leader/head of the maintenance team at the Manchester Buddhist centre, that i and the other male car occupant ('D') was part of...
If my memory serves me correctly i think that it was on this occasion that i elected to sleep in one of the other huts, which was situated to the right (rather than the left where the first one i slept in was situated), within some deciduous trees - i also think that perhaps this visit was when we were heading into autumn, rather than within the summer months...
If my memory serves me correctly there were initially only around 4 to 6 of us present at the retreat centre - with the promise of quite a number of others attending on the Sunday...
In the event only 2 such extra helpers arrived (rightly or wrongly, i think that RT's expectations were being playfully toyed with by some of the teachers - and i rather think that RT suspected this also) - making our allotted tasks seem much more difficult to complete/attain...
However, one such attendee was an extremely effective/accomplished worker - resulting in us thankfully attaining/completing such allotted tasks...
I was so impressed (as were the other attendees seemingly) with his ongoing skilled and applied work-rate that i felt inspired to write a poem which was to be entitled 'The Rafter-man Commeth' - however, in the event, such a poem unfortunately never materialised (i decided that it was probably not the done thing to bring special attention to him, if my memory serves me correctly)...
It was during such a visit that i witnessed a seemingly advanced female Buddhist attendee/teacher(???) exiting the small meditation/shrine room in a state of emotional distress - causing her to immediately leave/exit the converted farmhouse and go for a walk, before later returning in a composed state...
I was later to learn that sometimes during meditation practise certain previous life experiences could arise into one's consciousness??? - and this would seem to have been a possible example of one such personal arising???...
I think it was also during this particular visit that a gate-post needed replacing - a cow/bull had damaged it, leaving it open if my memory serves me correctly...
Anyway, with sledgehammer in hand, said gate-post was secured into position - surprisingly effectively actually, as i had not used a sledgehammer in many a year (the benefits of meditation and mindfulness eh)...
What brings this particular remembrance most readily to mind was when 'D' and myself came to return said cow/bull to its field (it had ventured just outside of the gate if my memory serves me correctly)...
I, with my childhood farming experiences, was stood calmly at one side of said cow/bull with my arms outstretched, whilst 'D' was positioned at the other side of said cow/bull, frantically waving his arms and generally gesticulating - 'no, please don't startle it thought i', before 'D', very much to his credit, quickly realised the potential error of his ways and likewise followed in my footsteps, resulting in said cow/bull returning to its field without any problems arising; tis a remembrance that still causes me to chuckle to this day btw...
4th Visit (weekend)...
This weekend visit took place during the winter months when there was quite a thick layer of snow covering the land...
Ostensibly it was to build a short fence in order to prevent an outside tank close to the converted farmhouse from being damaged by cattle, if my memory serves me correctly...
And although there were perhaps around five of us in attendance, such work was carried out by just myself and a very pleasant young Manchester University student, who apparently later chose to become a robed Buddhist monk immediately(???) upon presumably graduating...
I remember it being particularly difficult to get the round wooden posts into the ground to any real depth - not particularly due to the soil being frozen, but more so due to the ground containing so much natural flint/slate...
In the end, wooden diagonal supporting posts had to be added to lend support to the main upright ones, before barred-wire could be fairly tightly affixed laterally, both near the top and lower down said posts...
I remember starting such a task wearing a t-shirt, a thick quilted shirt, and probably a sweat-shirt over that - only to end up wearing only my t-shirt as my body temperature slowly increased due to such ongoing exertions...
Upon arrival i was assigned what would normally have been the assigned resident teacher's bedroom to sleep in, by 'S', who had been my first, very accomplished, beginners class teacher...
I gratefully accepted such a seemingly generous assigned downstairs room, for it comprised a nicely decorated room which had a very comfortable bed - as well as having its own personal shower room, if my memory serves me correctly (at the time i had thought that such a gesture was simply to separate me from the others btw)...
It was only recently that i suspect that such a gesture was perhaps a symbolic one, for it would seem that 'S' and certain others wished wished to learn about the benefits of my ongoing Tai chi qi gong exercises - as i was indeed asked certain questions about it (ooh, a supposed teacher of teachers, within such a respect, for the weekend doncha know, my most wonderful dahlings - chuckle chuckle eh)...
However i was reluctant to readily pass on such information, as i had by then learned from personal experience that traditionally such things were seemingly for the people concerned to ascertain experientially for themselves...
In the event an extremely genial male London attendee asked whether it facilitated a more freely/refined movement of pranic energy throughout the etheric body - to which i simply nodded (accompanied by a 'yes' if i remember correctly)...
Rightly or wrongly, i actually took such a request for such information as comprising spiritual greed, as i suspected that such people thought that such Tai chi qi gong exercises in some way contributed to my first week's releases of energy - as a matter of possible interest, after a visit to such a Buddhist website, i noticed that it would seem that such Tai chi exercises have now become part of the Manchester Buddhist Centre regular(???) activities/offerings...
...Maybe the meat eaters amongst them have have also changed their diets to vegetarian, vegan, or even macro-biotic ones, as i suspect that this may also be increasingly beneficial to the more efficient, higher vibrational, flow of such naturally circulating energy...
*** after a walkies - if they wanted me to introduce them to such Tai chi exercises during the weekend, then why didn't they simply ask me??? - maybe they realised that it did indeed constitute spiritual greed, and that if they asked directly then such would be a lot more obvious to me??? ***
I remember after the first day of doing such fence work, when we were all(???) in the dining room part of the converted farmhouse, being invited by 'S' to come join the rest of them, who were seated around the large table, by sitting next to her - however, i was enjoying the feeling of the heat from the radiator, situated below the main window, infusing my body as i was seated on a bench directly in front of it, so simply replied, seemingly to the silent disappointment of S', 'i'm okay here thanks'...
I was in no way being intentionally rude or purposely anti-social - i was simply enjoying being sat where i was, so chose of my own free-will to remain there...
If my memory serves me correctly such a fence building task was completed around mid-day on the Sunday - leaving us free to enjoy a countryside walkies during the afternoon...
It was when we were near completion of such a task, if my memory serves me correctly, that i noticed 'S' having emerged from said converted farmhouse to take a seemingly emotional walk outside - whether such a perceived state was due to a previous life meditational arising, or for some other unknown reason, i have no idea...
I do remember feeling a certain concern for her well-being though - as i had naturally developed a certain fondness towards her as a meditation teacher; she was someone i felt naturally at peace within the company of, as she had a nice gentle way about her, together with a ready smile...
5th Visit (of a week's duration)...
I'm not entirely sure that such remembered events/instances all occurred during such a supposed third Greenstreete attendance of a week's duration, but as some of them seem to fit in chronologically with the development of the building of such a Shrine Hall, i am assuming that they did in fact take place during such a supposed attendance...
As events will show/indicate it very much seemed to be a week whereby the nature, and perhaps depth, of my sexuality (sexual orientation) was trying to be not so subtlely ascertained???...
The first remembered instance was when a rather attractive young female came and sat close to me whilst i was working on the battening part of the forming roof structure directly above the library part of the Shrine Hall...
If my memory serves me correctly, i noticed that she was sitting with her green-trousered legs open - with a tool that i was repeatedly using, being situated uncomfortably close to her crotch, between said open legs...
It seemed very obvious to me (rightly or wrongly) that she knew exactly what she was doing - causing me to very carefully/skillfully pick up said tool when it was once again required, and then most mindfully placing it somewhere else after such usage...
And the second remembered instance (from my own personal perspective of course) occurred on the day after, as i was stood on part of the scaffolding, looking down towards the ground, where a group of fellow attendees where stood - only to be seemingly given one of those rather interested and enquiring 'looks' by one of the younger male attendees...
Looking back i can now see both instances in a rather humorous way - whereas, at the time i remember being somewhat confused as to the reason/need for such perceived efforts to ascertain such personal details regarding myself...
The truth of the matter, btw, was that i was very comfortably residing in a well-rooted state of complete celibacy - it was a Buddhist environment for Heaven's sake, and i was simply honouring (possibly by default) such taught precepts to a seemingly much higher level than the self-acclaimed Buddhists were...
It simply constituted part of my chosen Spiritual path at that particular period of time - and i found it a very agreeable state to reside within...
A non-sexual remembrance that perhaps also seemingly took place during such a supposed week's attendance involved teacher 'S' and another female teacher who i cannot remember having seen before...
I had noticed a wooden platform positioned upon some lateral boughs of a tree, during one of my walks - it had a ladder leading up to it...
I remember thinking that it seemed to be a rather interesting/novel place to meditate, and so duly climbed up the ladder, sat in my normal half-lotus posture, and started meditating upon such a platform...
Part way through such a meditation practise, and from my own personal perspective of course, the mischievously smiling faces of the two teachers intruded upon my inner vision - something that i didn't particularly welcome at the time...
Then, after such a meditation, as i was removing my footwear before entering the converted farmhouse, if my memory serves me correctly, both female teachers walked passed - and as they did so, both turned their heads momentarily in my direction and simply smiled knowingly at me, in a, rightly or wrongly, perceived confirmatory sort of way, that was seemingly saying, 'no it wasn't merely your imagination'...
Looking back, and from my own personal perspective of course, i guess they were simply introducing me to another aspect of meditational attainment as a sort of taster perhaps - whereas, in reality, i simply enjoyed the pursuit of stilling the mind within meditation, so such personally perceived experiences/actions were perhaps somewhat wasted upon me...
I remember at the end of the week, just as i was leaving such a retreat centre, seeing the other before unmet female teacher on the lawn outside of the converted farmhouse, wondering whether she was going to give me another of her 'conspiritorial' affirming looks - and sure enough, from my own personal perspective of course, she turned her head towards me and did so, smilingly...
I think it may have been during such a visit that a stupa had been created/constructed on top of the hill near to the small hut that i had slept in during my very first visit to such a retreat centre - using many pieces of the flint that lay strewn upon the ground nearby, if my memory serves me correctly...
...A raised platform had been constructed immediately to one side of it...
A small ceremony took place, whereby we were each invited to write something upon an individual piece of paper that each of us had been given/provided for such a purpose...
I remember simply drawing my astrological symbol on mine - a female Buddhist situated to my immediate left-hand-side was seemingly looking rather nosily at what i was putting on my particular piece of paper, if my memory serves me correctly...
We all formed a line/queue, and in turn walked up the steps to such a platform and deposited our individual pieces of now folded paper in the open top of such a stupa, before such a hole was presumably later topped/covered with a much larger piece of flint???...
I remember feeling rather uncomfortable and self-conscious due the perceived unwelcoming vibes of at least some of the Buddhist attendees who seemed, from my personal perspective, to view me as an outsider whose participation was not perhaps particularly welcomed during/within such a ceremony...
At the end of such a supposed week's attendance i was offered a lift back home by a female attendee - i had seemingly arrived for such a week by train, as i remember having a spare return ticket, that, if my memory serves me correctly, i potentially donated to someone else returning from such a retreat centre...
I think i accepted such an offer of a lift back home because i thought it would be quicker and more convenient - as well as probably offering an opportunity to chat about such a week's attendance more freely, and thus making the return journey home possibly less monotonous for both of us...
Anyway, shortly after starting our journey back home, and if my memory serves me correctly, said female announced that she would like to stop off at part of Offa's Dyke (in order to explore it a little i think)...
Being the passenger i seemingly really had little say in the matter - and hey, maybe it would prove to be an interesting little exploratory excursion, thought i at the time...
After walking around for a little while said female (i can't remember her name) went off seemingly for a toilet break within a wooded area, if my memory serves me correctly - leaving me to sit down upon the ground (at 90 degrees from where she had seemingly gone) and admire the far off countryside scenery/vista...
If my memory serves me correctly, when said female came back she sat down very close to me, and to my immediate right hand side - it was then that i remember feeling this sudden, and completely unexpected, surge of sexual energy that was seemingly pulling my etheric body magnetically towards her (from my own experiential perspective of course)...
Fortunately i managed to remain impassively seated, continuing to watch the view in front of me until such an energy quickly subsided - i say fortunately, because i was in no way attracted to her, and as i have said before, i was very happily residing within a deep-seated state of enjoyable celibacy...
Anyway, almost immediately after such a perceived energy subsided, said female announced that it was time to continue our shared journey back home, if my memory serves me correctly - rather relievedly from my perceived perspective btw...
I had never experienced such a thing before, and have never done so since - twas most strange indeed...
Whether the depth of my celibacy was perhaps being seemingly tested or not, i absolutely no idea - all i do know was that it was a most powerfully perceived strange experience indeed; but hey, i survived to tell the tale right...
If my memory serves me correctly we didn't speak very much at all during the car journey back - which sort of suited me really, even though there was a slight energy of tension in the air...
Later in the journey i remember wondering if said female would stop to fill up with petrol, possibly as a gentle nudge for me to offer to contribute financially to such a journey home...
She did indeed do so (needfully or otherwise) - however, as i considered that it was me doing said female a favour in terms of the companionship it offered her (to a certain extent at least), and as such a financial contribution would have meant an extra, unplanned, outlay of money by myself, i simply chose to remain silent...
I can now freely chuckle about such a remembrance - but at the time it was like a 'what the heck's going on' and 'what was that all about' perceived moment in time...
Final Visit...
Sometime after the completion of the Shrine Hall situated within the retreat centre, an official opening ceremony took place during one particular weekend - many lay Buddhists (some with their families) from various Buddhist meditation centres throughout England and Wales attended...
The vast(???) majority of us seemingly brought tents with us, which we erected upon the hill close to the hut that i had slept within during my first visit - and outside purpose-built hired/rented toilets were located/positioned fairly close to the converted farmhouse in order to accommodate our toiletry needs...
The non-robed founding(???) Buddhist ('NB') whom had introduced the later two teacher of teachers to such a form of Theravadan Buddhist meditation practice whilst all three were seemingly students at Cambridge University many years earlier was flown in (all expenses paid apparently/seemingly) from Burma(???) with his ontourage of robed Buddhist monks, especially for such an occasion...
Such a weekend was a lovely welcomely sunny one, and i remember standing with a female meditator ('N') who was a member of the same non-beginners/intermediatory class / study group as myself...
'N' noticed such a founder 'NB' stood outside of the now completed Shrine Hall on his own, seemingly staring into the distance - resulting in her suggesting that we go and have a chat with him...
...Something i was a little reticent to do - but never-the-less found myself accompanying her as we walked towards him...
Upon approaching him 'NB' asked if i was a teacher, which very much confused me, as i had assumed that it would have been obvious to a person of his stature and meditational experience that i simply wasn't...
We were only within his company for a very short time before leaving him within apparent peace once again...
The asking of such a question has always confused me - until this morning perhaps (during the recent now passed summer period)...
I think what he may really have been saying, rightly or wrongly, was that perhaps only teachers should approach him in such a way??? - a polite way of saying 'know your place' perhaps (i am chuckling whilst writing this btw, as it is something that i now find to be rather amusing)...
Anyway, after perhaps dutifully walking away, i noticed someone who had been an attendee during my first visit to such a retreat centre standing within a group of others (presumably from the same meditation centre that he was part of) - i approached and reintroduced myself to him, asking if he remembered me, to which i received the following rather unexpected reply, 'how could i not do'...
If my memory serves me correctly, later on whilst standing in a queue to use one of the 'porta-cabin' outside toilets, a female meditator 'R' asked if i would hoover the carpet inside of the main Shrine Hall - the exact same meditator who had so generously provided me with a warm glass of water during my first retreat centre, and the very same meditator who had asked if i had phoned the teacher of teachers 'LC' back, slightly(???)/somewhat before the occasion to celebrate his 25 years(???) as such a Manchester based teacher of teachers...
Anyway, after taking care of my toiletry needs i dutifully walked to the outside of the Shrine Hall, only to over-hear 'LC' talking/conversing with whom i suspected was the visiting founder 'NB', and realised that others, including the robed monks, were probably within such a Shrine Hall also...
...Causing me to realise that it would seem to be very inappropriate/rude indeed to start hoovering around them whilst they were seemingly conversing genially amongst themselves - so i simply stood there for a while before deciding against such a suggested, and rather noisy, action...
Seemingly i had become the bad boy once again - as such non-compliance seemed to result in the general energies towards me seemingly changing for the worse for a short period of time after...
If my memory serves me correctly, even my meditation teacher 'V' turned her lawn-seated back to me for a short period of time when i decided to join her and the likewise seated other members of our now non-beginners class...
Once again, if my memory serves me correctly, it was during such a day that the latest quarterly journal/newsletter was handed out to all the attendees - causing me to see if my latest offered poem entitled 'In Search Of The Middle' had been included within it...
...Much to my joy, i found that it had been - only to realise upon reading it that certain parts of it had seemingly been changed...
...And that such perceived changes, from my personal perspective, completely misrepresented me, in a rather unflattering/insulting/untruthful/detrimental way...
The truth of the matter was that i had been unknowingly honouring such a Buddhist tradition even before choosing to join the Manchester Centre for Buddhist meditation and learning about the five basic Buddhist precepts - precepts that i had been adhering to and further refining all the way through my Buddhist journey btw...
...Precepts that i had noticed, rightly or wrongly, that the lay teachers in general seemed not paying particular heed to in certain respects, and therefore not also refining, as they were, in my personal opinion at least, really obliged to do (the minimum requirements, to be truly regarded as a lay Buddhist, is to follow / adhere to the first five basic precepts at all times, is it not???) - the most obvious one being the non harming of other sentient beings (such as farm animals, one would most readily suggest)...
...Perhaps if such lay Buddhist teachers had been required to wring the necks of the chickens that some of them were eating, and slit the throats of the cattle some of them were seemingly regularly consuming, such perceived non-observance of one of the 5 basic precepts would have been more obvious to them??? - how seemingly convenient for them that such personal slaughtering of such animals was the job of unseen others eh (from my personal perspective at least)...
Later, word seemed (from my personally perceived perspective at least) to have got 'round as to the writer of such a poem - as,during the evening, whilst within a large tent/marquee where an open buffet was laid out for our consumption, i rather uncomfortably noticed that i was quite obviously seemingly being shunned by other attendees who very much seemed to physically distance themselves from me as i was walking round said large tent/marquee selecting which non-meat food to eat...
If my memory serves me correctly i simply took such a plate of selected food to my tent and left such seemingly superior-minded, seemingly self-acclaimed, Buddhists to it, untainted by my continued presence perhaps...
As a matter of interest, such a recollection reminds me of my second(???) visit to such a retreat centre...
I had further refined my food consumption by sprouting beans and pulses, and eating them on bread spread with tahini, so took some already sprouted beans and pulses, as well as some unsprouted ones with me - rather than choosing to consume the vegetarian food offered to the non-meat eaters...
I put them on a part of the work surfaces, if my memory serves me correctly, in the kitchen for convenience - only to later find that they had seemingly been put into a cupboard below the sink, along with various presumed kitchen cleaning products...
...Message clearly received and understood, thought i, rightly or wrongly - causing me to simply conform by eating the vegetarian food provided; even electing not to eat meat seemed to be a problem for some of them (from my particular perspective anyway), truth be told...
If my memory serves me correctly, i also remember both myself and the male Buddhist 'D', who on an earlier visit helped to repair the gate-post, being asked/instructed(???) to hide some sweets in an area close to where the tents were situated, in order to accommodate a game similar to 'hide and seek'...
After we had done so, and various children arrived to find said hidden sweets, i noticed (from my personal perspective anyway) a sort of preoccupied look on the other male's face, immediately prior to him silently leaving me alone to oversee such proceedings with such children...
In the event such children soon seemed to become frustrated at not being able to find said sweets, even though they were not (from my perspective at least) particularly difficult to find - resulting in me rather resignedly pointing an outstretched finger and saying 'well you might find one here, and you might find one there' etc etc, whilst thinking 'well what was the point of all that then'...
It was only at a later date that i wondered, rightly or wrongly, (especially so given the sudden and rather strange absence of the other male) whether i was being tested to see if i had a sexual interest in children - and if so, why the heck would they choose to use their own children in such a presumed/possible way???...
Very strange indeed once again (from my personal perspective at least) - why couldn't they clearly see that i am simply a naturally hetero-sexual male who was very comfortably treading the path of celibacy???...
...Within a tradition of Buddhism, for Heaven's sake - and yes i would very occasionally have sexual dreams and remembrances involving adult females (after all didn't the 'temptress' Mara occasionally 'pop 'round', right up to the point where Siddhartha Gautama was sat under the Bodhi tree, immediately prior to Him attaining Enlightenment???); but was such a thing really so difficult to understand??? (given that such personal perceptions were indeed correct ones)...
Anyway, moving forwards to the Sunday of such an official opening of the newly completed Shrine Hall...
I remember us all being seated in our various selected meditation postures, facing the Buddha rupa, the visiting robed (and presumably ordained) monks, and presumably the visiting founder 'NB' of such a tradition also...
As a talk was being given, one of the seemingly very pleasant robed monks kept looking at me - causing me to eventually return such a look, as i began to think that he was being rather rude...
...This resulted in him looking away for a short time before repeating such a procedure again - it became a seeming game that we were playing with each other; with me feeling increasingly uncomfortable by such repeated and unwelcomed perceived attention...
Who knows, maybe he was simply fascinated my the quality/intricacy of one's aura, my most precious dahlings...
Anyway, eventually i noticed a space to my left and slightly behind me, and so elected to move there in order that i may be hidden from his gaze by sitting directly behind another meditator - only for another meditator who was sat on a raised portion behind me to quietly and enthusiastically insist that i sit up there in order to get a better view of such ongoing procedures...
...Causing me to then be totally visible to all such forward seated monks...
Once again, if my memory serves me correctly, i think that it was at the end of such a seated session that said visiting founder 'NB' announced that an extra day had been put aside for only the Buddhist teachers to attend - a day in which they would seemingly be taught how to levitate apparently...
If my memory serves me correctly, upon hearing such news, my previous meditation teacher (C) changed his mind about returning home with his wife and family and decided to stay for the extra day instead??? - which, if he indeed did, was quite understandable really; who wouldn't wish to see someone levitating after all...
Before finishing such personal recollections, it is probably also worth mentioning that 'Strict practise' weeks were also occasionally available at such a retreat centre...
They were weeks whereby all attendees were seemingly required to be silent for the duration - possibly apart from during personal reporting sessions, unless they were conducted at a 'mind-to-mind' (telepathic) level???...
I remember that potential attendees had to get permission from their individual teachers before applying...
It is something that very much appealed to me - however, each time i saw such a week's 'strict practise' advertised, that was personally suitable to me, the resident teacher seemed to be said Manchester based teacher of teachers(???) 'LC', and i simply didn't trust him, so chose not to discuss such a possible attendance with my teacher - i viewed it as being a great shame really...
Oh, and finally, if my memory serves me correctly, there was a time when it was made indirectly aware to me that such Buddhist teachers were considering installing a resident full-time manager at such a retreat centre - as an unemployed person, i remember playing with such an idea within mind, as living within such a country environment once again very much appealed to me...
However, for various reasons i decided not to put myself forward for such a seemingly potentially offered position - whether such lay Buddhists ever put such an idea into practise is completely unknown to me btw...
And finally, in closing, i would like to take this particular opportunity to possibly answer the question of why some(???) robed Buddhist monks would seemingly choose to eat meat from the dana bowl which are filled for them by lay(???) members of the community as they would seemingly do their alms rounds, so to speak...
I tend to wonder, rightly or wrongly, whether such a seemingly adopted tradition started during times of particular/comparative food shortages - and that such supposed/seeming traditions simply became more readily accepted, until they were perhaps no longer questioned...
(https://www.ourquantumparticulates.org/videos/other-greenstreete-experiences)