2023
There came a time when dad decided to mooove on from dairy farming management to something a little more sedentary...
Thus heralding our move as a family to Northenden, and dad taking up a job a Withington Golf Club as a golf club 'green keeper'...
Seemingly, after a while, a position for a steward and stewardess became available at the nearby Didsbury Golf Club - to which both my parents application was accepted - thus heralding another move, to Didsbury Golf Club itself upon that occasion...
I guess that i must have soon expressed a desire to play such a game myself - resulting in me being given a few old golf clubs and balls in which to practice on the practise ground - and then later being given a full set of not so old Peter Alliss golf clubs, together with bag, and permission to play on the golf course itself as a possibly unofficial junior member...
I used to caddy for various golfers in order to buy new golf balls, primarily - including, on one, or two occasions perhaps, the very fast walking and highly energised Freddie Garrity of Freddie And The Dreamers fame - and then there was the remembered generously paying older female who always asked if i was available before commencing her rounds of golf, also...
...She was a fairly small lady who used to write books/novels(???) apparently, and had an enormous pair of boobs that held me in wonderment, in a completely non-sexual way, as to how she managed to navigate her swing around them in such a rather impressive way...
The very very pleasant and very well-liked Brian Neild was the professional there - and Rowley (see the 'A Squash Journey' blog) was his assistant - with myself and another junior 'holding fort' very occasionally if they were both busy elsewhere...
A junior hut was built whilst i was there - and a table tennis table installed - which resulted in me playing Rowley on a number of occasions, on rainy days probably...
There were only a small number of regular golf-playing juniors - resulting in three of us playing together regularly during the summer holidays especially - we called ourselves 'the big three' after the famous 'big three' touring/circuit professionals, at that time...
Lindsay, the eldest and most naturally powerful/strong, was Jack Nicklaus - Andrew, the youngest and least powerful, with a good short game, was Gary Player - leaving me, by default, as Arnold Palmer, even though i had a flying right elbow like Jack Nicklaus had...
I used to love practising on the practice field, when not playing, and would sometimes do so before going to school in the mornings...
On one such morning i decided to go onto the second tee with a bag of golf balls to see if i could hit one past a horizontal ridge that was positioned between a fairway bunker on the right, and a large tree on the left...
I had to be careful not to hook my drives, as the river Mersey ran parallel to such a fairway on the left...
After having hit quite a number of good drives i noticed Brian playing the first hole - he was apparently getting in some early morning practice before going off to play in a pro tournament elsewhere - and soon arrived at the second tee himself...
I remember him readying himself for his tee shot, in a seemingly rather determined way, and watching his well-hit ball fly off into the distance, very high and very straight - and then thinking/realising that i had done quite well with a number of my efforts - for although it went further than the best of mine, it didn't go a great deal further, and likewise never quite reached that sought after horizontal ridge...
On another occasion a 'father-son' competition was arranged - i was invited/asked to pair off with a certain club regular that i didn't really know that well - i later realised, mid round, that he had done so purely because he thought that he might have a chance of winning it, and became increasingly disappointed / emotionally more distant/cold when he realised that he wasn't going to do so...
...I remember feeling rather deflated/crest-fallen, upon realising...
And talking about disappointments, i remember starting in the lower sixth form with my hair having grown over my ears for the first time, and of a fellow sixth form girl walking over to me within interest - and of my dad making me getting it cut short some days later - and that such a girl finding such a 'square' no longer worthy of her attentions, even though i never fancied her anyway...
I also remember my burning resentment towards dad for making me 'the outsider' once again...
A resentment that also turned to a silent disappointment in him when he told me that at such an age he was working and then later married - making me realise, with confusion really, that he actually wished me to follow his same life-path at such an age - a life-path that resulted in him entering a difficult marriage with someone who was not suited to him...
A resentment and disappointment that resulted in me simply not speaking to him on an ongoing basis, no matter what look he gave me whenever we passed each other by - an ongoing situation that seemingly resulted in mum taking a two week holiday, and telling dad that if the two of us were still not speaking when she returned then she would be leaving for good...
A two week period whereby i stuck doggedly and silently to my guns, no matter how intently my very capable former army sergeant father looked at me - and a two week period that resulted in dad eventually realising that i simply wasn't going to give ground in the slightest - resulting in dad becoming increasingly and uncharacteristically concerned, realising that he was the one that would have to do so if such a situation was to be resolved to mum's satisfaction upon her return...
So, speak to me he did - with me simply muttering a few replies whenever he did so - and feeling a sense of justification, as well as relief, that he eventually did the right thing in resolving such a situation to mum's satisfaction...
During the summer break before entering the lower sixth i had been offered the position of golfing assistant to the resident professional, John Cann, at Prestbury Golf Club - but only after his first choice had seemingly had a change of heart - leaving me feeling second best, which sort of niggled me really...
Before i turned down such an offer mum had explained to me that if it didn't work out i would probably end up working in a factory, for i had only managed to get one solitary 'O' level, in woodwork - adding that it may be better to stay at school in order to get some more, before starting work - it made complete sense to me, as i didn't really think that i would make the grade as a professional golfer anyway...
I think it was sometime before such a situation arose that the first ever junior golf competition was played - a competition that i won - resulting in me being awarded a really lovely multi-coloured golfing brolly...
I remember standing outside the clubhouse with a number of other juniors, waiting for the last two couples (four balls???) to finish their rounds - and Brian telling me that i had most probably won it - and of me feeling rather nervous at such a prospect, and telling him, with much hope in my heart, that Lindsay, who was playing down the seventeenth at the time, could win it instead...
...I simply became unwelcomingly nervous at becoming the centre of attention, and simply didn't wish to be put in such an uncomfortable situation - i think when the time came, i simply walked uncomfortably up to receive my prize, said a quiet 'thank you' and walked away again - however, the next day i did get my younger brother to take a polaroid photo of me in full swing on the practice field, with such a multi-coloured brolly laying open across my green golf bag...
...A photo that i think i still have somewhere btw - so, yeah, i guess i did feel somewhat proud of having won it - it is simply that i have never liked attention to be drawn to me...
...I would much rather be just 'one of the guys' - physically inconspicuous rather than conspicuous - tis something that i think still holds true today actually, to a certain extent at least...
Anyway, moving on - i remember once during the summer when when Lindsay, Andrew and myself played three full rounds in one day - with myself and Andrew finishing such a long golfing day by practising our putting on the putting green, illuminated by the clubhouse lighting, late inth evening...
Andrew actually went on to become a tour professional - once winning the European Open - and later becoming an on-course commentator for Sky, after having to give up playing at such a highly commendable level due to arthritis of the hips, if my memory serves me correctly...
Lindsay's dad was called 'Basher Ash' - he gave the golf ball a bit of a thump - and was a local policeman...
A German Shepherd dog became available after he had been shot whilst on duty - he used to panic every time a car back-fired, so could no longer do his job - so was given to us as a guard dog...
Gary amazed us by unexpectedly grabbing my younger brother's wrist with his mouth when he pulled out his holstered toy gun, without hurting him in the slightest...
He used to play with expended gas cylinders and some wooden ladders, and used to dig craters in the hard soil at the side of our living quarters - sometimes i would get a fairly short, thick piece of a branch, hold it firmly at each end, let Gary grab it in the middle with his mouth, and shake it vigorously back and forwards and up and down, in play - he really enjoyed it, growling in returned play whilst doing so...
One day, rather than the stick, i spontaneously put my hand in his mouth quickly and held his bottom jaw tightly - with a realisation dawning upon both of us that he was effectively immobilised, because it is only the bottom jaw that moves - upon noticing an uncomfortable defeated look forming upon his face i let go and never chose to embarrass him in such a way again...
However, he regained his 'top guard dog' status, rather admirably, some time later - i was hitting iron shots from the top of the practice field when three fully grown youngish men intruded upon such a private golf club by walking along the bank of the river - i explained that they weren't allowed to do so, but they chose not to leave...
I noticed my younger brother walking towards the clubhouse from our living quarters, so shouted for him to get Gary - resulting in dad releasing him from his cage-fronted sleeping pen and walking up the practice field with him, towards me - still they did nothing...
Dad told them to leave before he set the dog on them - and still they chose not to leave - so with the rather eager Gary sat at his right-hand-side, dad gave one of the orders that was explained to him at the time Gary came to live with us...
'KILL!!!' commanded dad, whilst pointing at the rather tall and quietly belligerent group leader - causing Gary to go into his well-practised routine of rushing up to him and ripping into his coat with alacrity - causing the other two to back off with great concern, whilst the attacked simply stood statue-like in fear...
'HEEL!!!' commanded dad, upon seeing such fear remaining in the panic-stricken guy's eyes - causing Gary to immediately let go, run round the back of dad's legs and sit back down again, in open-mouthed excitement, eagerly wondering when the next much practised 'KILL!!!' command was going to be issued again - and the, no doubt, disappointed look upon his face upon shortly after realising that such a 'game' was now so quickly over...
And, yes, all three physically unharmed men rather quickly left, never to return again - so, so funny - the tall guy's long grate coat definitely took some damage, that's for sure...
Good dog Gary, good dog lolz...
So what other 'highlights' were there at such a golf club, the reader of these words may reasonably ask...
Well, none that quite measure up to that one, for pure impact value, that's for sure...
But Rowley did take the three of us to see the Open Championship being played one day at Royal Lytham St Annes...
I remember us spending some time watching the professionals hitting golf balls on the practice field before starting their rounds - and of all four of us being really impressed by the accuracy and consistency of Eddie Polland (if my memory serves me correctly) as he hit ball after ball to his bucket holding caddy to catch - and of such a caddy seemingly never having to move position, until Eddie changed clubs...
And although he seemingly didn't do well in such an event, he was most definitely the 'star attraction' on the practice field, that's for sure - within our eyes at least...
I remember in the evening, after everyone had finished playing for the day, with all four of us standing next to the flag pole, being tempted to take the flag home with us, thinking of how good such a prized memento would look displayed on one of the inner walls of the junior hut - i think the rope was touched with fingers at one point, before it was guiltily decided that it probably wouldn't be a good idea after all - before, no doubt, quickly walking away, lest such fleeting temptation possibly reasserted itself (oooh, naughty, naughty boys eh) ...
And then there was the occasion when Rowley drove the three of us to go see a pro-celebrity event that was held at a rather impressive predominently Jewish owned club called Dunham Forest Golf Club, if my memory serves me correctly...
There was a professional with the surname of 'Cahill', if my memory serves me correctly, who could hit the ball a very impressive distance from the tee - Rowley had wanted to observe his technique, in order to try to incorporate it into his own swing i guess - with this seemingly being the primary reason for him wishing to go...
We had only just set foot upon such a golf club's grass-laden grounds and were approaching the club house, if my memory serves me correctly, when Sean Connery rather amazingly walked towards us from said clubhouse - and started talking to us in a very relaxed and matter-of-fact way - needless to say we were all rather impressed and somewhat spell-bound...
Anyway, as he was doing so, Jimmy Tarbuck came 'dancing/prancing' towards us, seemingly (within my eyes at least) as if he thought that he was the star of the show (perhaps he was simply nervous eh) - and upon his approach, when he verbally intruded, we all simply looked at him rather disdainfully, causing him to do an about turn and silently walk away - we simply couldn't believe that he could in any way think that he could upstage Sean...
...Tis something that i now always look back upon with amusement - a definite four par, on Jimmy's behalf, that's for sure - the poor guy must have felt so embarrassed...
The lane leading to Didsbury Golf club occasionally became unpassable whenever that part of the river Mersey flooded - with numerous large puddles deeming the course to be unplayable - although, rather inevitably perhaps, the odd local golf-playing member would turn up for drinks and a few games of snooker during such rare periodic occasions...
On one such occasion, within the deep recesses of my mind, i vaguely remember having stayed up all night with others, including my dad, within the clubhouse - and of a number of us going to the first tee with golf clubs and ball in hand - i had, rather atypically (my dad was pretty strict with regard to such things) presumably been drinking also during the night...
...Anyway, i simply remember teeing up my ball and addressing it with my driver - amazingly i actually saw three golf balls on tees, rather than just the one - anyway, after some confusion, i decided that the middle ball was most likely to be the real one, so simply correctly elected to hit that one...
Memories eh - anyway, at some point in time whilst still at school we, rather sadly from my point of view, moved on once again - and upon this occasion it was to be to the Stretford British Legion Club...
So this is when my golfing days came to a rather abrupt end - although i did later play upon three remembered occasions for the following two companies that i worked for - two whilst at the Flexible Packaging Company, and once whilst at the Salford based company...
The first occasion was an event held at Mere Golf and Country Club, where i sank a really long and impressive putt on the final green, which was watched by many other attendees, including the new general manager...
The second was an event held at Withington Golf Club - an event whereby such a new general manager was part of our four-ball - he seemed to have taken an interest in me professionally, and seemingly made a point of walking alongside me in relaxed conversation, during part of the round at least...
And finally, in closing, the third occasion was held at a now unremembered golf club, where the American CEO later, and rather unexpectedly from my point of view, introduced himself to each of us in turn, as we stood in a circle, by asking each of us what we did, workwise, at such a company...
(https://www.ourquantumparticulates.org/videos/a-golfing-journey)